Ahi Tuna Poke! Such Fad, Much Ease

I was square in the poke-trend-hating squad for the past decade. It was to me the embodiment of everything annoying about the hipster culture - overpriced low-effort product that people rave nonstop because it's cool. It was the culinary modern art. At last my inner cheapo finally resolved to do something about this ripoff trend that I so resented: by making my own, and urging everyone to make their own. Disclaimer: consumption of raw or under-cooked seafood may increase risk of foodborne illness. Now, if you're reading this you're probably both aware & willing to take your chances. You can minimize your risk by: 1) purchase "sushi grade" tuna that were previously frozen and processed with likely higher hygienic standards, but cost something like $36/lb & require a trip to specialty stores, or 2) purchase the much cheaper, more ubiquitous, previously (or still) frozen tuna steak & then salt-cure it before using. In a nutshell, freezing kil